NFL Players Need Advice to Stay Out of Commish office?: Ocho Cinco Breaks it Down For You

Another DWI surfaces. This one is Robert Quinn the DE for the Rams who crashed while driving on an exit ramp. There have been other NFL offseason DUIs such as Marshawn Lynch, Nick Fairley, and Aaron Berry.  Of all the things players have been getting in trouble about this offseason, and there have been plenty, DUIs seem to be the most preventable. Am I missing something here?

These guys could obviously call a cab or if they want to roll in style, call a limo including a bar and the works. If they insist on taking their own vehicles when going out on a bender, then just pay a friend to be a designated driver. In my eyes, these DUIs are inexcusable for well paid men who can easily make prior arrangements. They have money, they have phones, and we have public transportation.  What’s the problem?

These guys should have an account set up with a transportation company with their phone number on speed dial in their phones. They should be able to simply push one button when it’s time to go home. It’s starting to appear that the NFL has a problem and the commissioner has already taken action.  The NFL commissioner Roger Goodell sent out a memo on June 13 warning players they would be held accountable for their actions. That approach doesn’t appear to be working.

After Adrian Peterson was arrested for being drunk and resisting arrest, the Governor of Minnesota Mark Dayton weighed in on the issue by comparing NFL players in the offseason to war vets.

“It means that young males who are heavily armored and heavily psyched as  necessary to carry out their job are probably more susceptible to be in bars at  2 o’clock in the morning and have problems, or DUIs. It doesn’t excuse it, it  just says that it probably comes with it,” Dayton said.

Say what governor??

The comparison didn’t go over very good so he then back tracked and apologized for it.

The governor bombed out so what you got for these guys Ocho Cinco?

Alcohol

So you want to get wasted. The dumbest –ish you can do in 2012 is publicly party like it is 99. Mofos in the club will be live tweeting your buffoonery for the world to see. You are in the NFL, making millions and you got a mansion. Bring the party home dammit.

Firearms

No need anymore. We out the hood now. Get a bodyguard if you are still that paranoid.

Crews

A Crew is not needed. Just ask Drake and Chris Brown. Roll solo, it will save you money and trouble.

No man.

Deion Sanders taught me this. You badly need a no man. Someone that tells you what you don’t want to hear like

“Are you really finna smoke, drink and of all the cars you got, you gonna drive the Ferrari to the club tonight and carry your gun with you?  C’mon fooool, you gonna be on the next flight to go see Goodell”

Keep your NO man closer and yes men farther.

Fallback

You are famous and there are people that will hate and test you. You can’t deal with it the way you would when you were in the hood.  You need to just fallback.

Consent.

Be careful of chicks and groupies. Those consenting smiles are sometimes fake. Sooner or later you might be defending yourself in a frivolous sexual assault case as she tries to stick you for your paper. Yes, some of these women “Stay Schemin”. There is a simple solution. The iPhone has an HD camera now.  Make sex tapes all the time. It will make great memories and save you trouble.

If you apply these acronyms, it will save you trips to @nflcommish and you know he ain’t playing around these days.

Yours Truly,

Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson

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